Ministry of Social Development — Better Letters Project
Letter to overseas client
There has been a change to your New Zealand payment
Thank you for your payment of NZD $580.00 received on 23 August 2018.
Your overpayment has been fully repaid.
[29 words; 3 sentences]
We wanted to let you know we received your payment of NZD$580.00 on 23 August 2018. Thanks for that.
Good news, the money you owe us has been fully paid back.
[31 words; 2 sentences]
This structure is excellent. It sandwiches a friendly, relational comment between two clear important statements. The structure and friendly tone brings relief to the reader.